A negotiation checklist

Why negotiate

Negotiation is the conversation that happens before anything else does. It is where two or more adults decide what they want to do together, what is off the table, and how they will look after each other. Far from killing the mood, a good negotiation builds anticipation and trust. It is also where most problems get prevented.

Negotiate sober, clothed, and unhurried. If you are meeting someone for the first time, do it in a public place or over a call before you ever share a room.

The checklist

Use this as a starting point and adapt it to the people and the scene.

Desires and intentions

• What does each person hope to get from this scene or dynamic?
• Which specific activities are wanted? Which are curious maybes?
• What mood is intended: playful, strict, sensual, intense, nurturing?

Limits

• Hard limits: things that will not happen under any circumstances.
• Soft limits: things approached only with care, or only in certain conditions.
• Anything that might be triggering, including words, names, or scenarios.
• Marks: are bruises or other visible marks acceptable, and where?

Health and body

• Medical conditions, injuries, joint problems, circulation issues.
• Medications, allergies (including latex and certain oils or waxes).
• Mental health considerations and how they might show up in a scene.
• Sexual health status and protection, if anything sexual is in scope.

Communication

• Safewords and what each level means.
• A non-verbal signal for when speech is not possible.
• How check-ins will happen and how often.
• Whether and how the Dominant can be told something is wrong without ending the scene.

Logistics

• Where, when, and for how long.
• Who else, if anyone, will be present.
• What toys or equipment will be used, and have they been cleaned?
• Who knows where you are, if this is a new partner?

Aftercare and afterwards

• What does each person need afterwards: touch, distance, food, quiet, talk?
• How will you check in the following day?
• Is any of this private? What can be shared, and with whom?

Keep it alive

Negotiation is not a single event. Limits move, interests change, and what felt right last month may not feel right today. Revisit the conversation regularly in ongoing dynamics, and renegotiate before trying anything new. Anyone can add a limit at any time, including mid-scene.

Writing the main points down, even informally, helps both people remember what was agreed and removes the awkwardness of trying to recall it in the moment.