Sadist and masochist

The two roles

In kink, a sadist is someone who enjoys giving intense sensation, including pain, to a consenting partner. A masochist is someone who enjoys receiving it. Together they make up the S and M in BDSM, and the pairing is one of the oldest and best understood in the scene.

The words carry baggage from their clinical and everyday uses, where they imply cruelty or self-destruction. In kink they mean something narrower and far healthier: a shared enjoyment of intensity, negotiated between adults, where the one giving cares deeply about the one receiving.

Also used: sadist, sadistic top, S-type; masochist, pain slut (reclaimed by some, offensive if imposed), M-type; S&M or SM for the practice.

What each side enjoys

Consensual sadism is about the partner's response as much as the act. Sadists often describe enjoying:

• The intensity in a partner's face, breath, and body as sensation builds.
• The trust implied by someone letting them do this.
• The skill of taking a partner to their edge and no further.
• The contrast between harshness in play and tenderness afterward.

A sadist who does not care how the masochist is doing is not a sadist in the kink sense; they are dangerous. The pleasure of consensual sadism depends on the partner wanting it.

Masochism is an experience of the body, and it varies widely. Some masochists find pain transforms into pleasure directly. Others enjoy the endorphin high, the altered headspace, the sense of endurance and achievement, or the emotional release that follows. Some like sharp sensation and hate dull; others the reverse.

Masochism is not self-harm. The masochist chooses the sensation, with a partner they trust, inside limits they have set, for pleasure. Those conditions are the whole difference.

Sadism, masochism, and power

Sadist and masochist are about sensation, not authority. A sadist may or may not be Dominant; a masochist may or may not be submissive. Many Dominants are not sadists and many submissives are not masochists. A dominant masochist who directs exactly how they want to be hurt is a well-known type, as is a submissive sadist who hurts their Dominant on command.

Practising well

Intensity play requires skill. Sadists should learn the techniques they use, know the body's vulnerable areas, start low, and build. Masochists should know their own bodies and report honestly, including when a sensation is wrong rather than merely intense.

Both should negotiate in detail, agree a safeword, and plan for aftercare. Intensity can leave both people raw, and the sadist's care afterward is part of what makes the sadism safe to receive.